A week ago one of my buddies asked a question that i thought was worth talking about. He asked me how to overcome fears that pop up at times - even if everything is going great.
In fact it's not at all an easy question to reply to as it varies for every person. There are actually thousands of books which have been written on that topic only. However, one of the best techniques I have used to overcome my fears generally involves lowering the gradient.
What are gradients? Gradients are like steps on a ladder. If you try to reach the top of the ladder on your first step, it will probably be impossible and you may not succeed. If you keep trying it again and again you might start building up a "complex" regarding failing, and soon not try anymore.
If you try to jump up five or six steps in your first attempt, it will also be frightening - not really impossible but frightening. Probability is that if you have no experiences leaping that high you will fail too.
The correct approach is to take the first step and then advance one-step at a time. It is the most comfortable method to climb a ladder.
Here are a few examples of how I apply that to get over fears which pop up in meeting women and dating women:
As many guys do, I often go out to meet women in a social setting. Sometimes it is especially frightening. So when I am approaching an attractive woman in a party, instead of telling her how gorgeous she is and how much I am fascinated by her (that exposes my fear of being shot down in front of a lot of people and embarrassed) I lower the gradient of approach and just say "Hi." If a girl likes you or is interested in you she will find a means to carry on the conversation. If she doesn't then i understand she has no interest in me and the simple "Hi" just shows that I am friendly - not necessarily even flirting - thus I don't feel shot down in front of other people.
If I am starting to date a woman and I feel fearful taking the next step of trying to get intimate with her, I don't ask her "Would you like to get intimate?" I take a lower gradient and ask her if she would like to chill, get cozy, and just watch a movie at my home. If she doesn't want to get intimate she surely won't want to be alone with me, getting cozy at my place. Or rather than trying to suddenly "kiss her", I will simply hold her hand or give her gentle touches every now and then to discover how responsive she is to my touch. If she likes my touch she will begin touching me back to render me with the go ahead signal.
These are a few examples. When you feel awkward and fearful just try to consider a lower gradient which isn't as frightening and lets you make forward progress toward your ultimate goal. If you do this you will know how to meet women and how to connect with them very quickly.
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